Things I Learned Yesterday

Today I'm going to cheat. Well, not REALLY cheat - This is something I wrote a few years ago that actually made the Best of Craigslist.

Things I Learned Yesterday:

When you have to use the bathroom, do not let the dogs precede you into the room. Bathrooms are very small rooms and only have one door.

When the dogs knock you down while they attempt to exit the bathroom, do not fall on the toilet.

Toilets can explode.

Dogs vanish when toilets explode.

You can move at lightspeed when shutting off the water line to a toilet that has exploded.

Porcelain is very sharp, and cuts on the palm of the hand bleed profusely.

Dog towels are good for soaking up blood.

Dog towels are also good for soaking up water that results from exploding toilets.

Plumbers cost $150 per hour, plus travel time, plus a new toilet and hardware.

If you laugh at the plumber's prices, he will hang up on you.

Toilets at Lowes cost about $150.

Toilets are not too hard to replace. Just be careful, because porcelain is sharp.

You can save about 300 bucks if you replace the toilet yourself.

Dog towels are also good for wiping up the wax ring goo from underneath exploded toilets.

Yard sales are great places to buy dog towels. You can get a dog towel at a yard sale for about 50 cents.

Best yard sale bargain on Saturday, July 7^th, 2007: 6 dog towels for 3 bucks.

Final score: Toilet=0, Plumber=0, Dogs=1, Dog Towels=6.

How was your day?

(Originally published to the showlist and Craigslist, July 7th, 2007)